Yesterday, in my group Indie Birth text message broadcast, I was half-kidding about starting a campaign called #theytoldme; point being, my days are filled sometimes with stories women tell or send us about the INSANE, ridiculous, flat-out-WRONG things they have been told by the mainstream medical world. Well, people LOVED this idea.
Some of these #theytoldme are maddening; some are sad and really some are downright funny. What have YOU been told about your health, your situation, or just pregnancy and birth in general that was not true or maybe you weren’t even sure about that and had to investigate it for yourself?
Here’s my story of #theytoldme: I was told, with my first pregnancy, that I was high risk and would never have a term pregnancy because of a cervical surgery I (stupidly) consented to in my early 20’s. I’ve thought of that overconfident doctor each pregnancy. This “prediction” did cause me fear and concern early on, but I quickly realized it was a lie, and that my body, mind and spirit were more powerful than his words.
Will you share your version of #theytoldme?
Together we can come together in truth and realize how powerful we are! (And really there is no “they” and “us” so these stories serve to remind us of our own fears and tendencies to not honor ourselves and our own truths. Creating the conversation can be supportive and healing when we remember that being able to be “told” by anyone is part of the journey that we are all collectively on to regain our inherent freedom!!)
#indiebirth #takingbckbirth #truth #theytoldme
Leave your #theytoldme story in the comments.
They told me I would need an internal ultrasound at my anatomy scan. I simply said, “we won’t be doing that today,” fully prepared to forgo the scan if they were going to get all athoritarian about it. Surprisingly she just said okay and we moved on with the scan.
They told me my baby was going to be 13 lbs. A week later she was 9lbs 1oz
They told me I was “pushing wrong” because I wasnt holding my breath for ten seconds straining. Then they told me my unconsented episiotomy was a medical emergency due to my vagina being too small for a (guessed 7 lb, actually 7 lb 13 oz baby). My medical records exposed the lies told to me.
They told me that I was murdering my baby by having autonomous, intuitive, and personalized care over their routine non-evidence based obstetrical care, and that my baby would die if I tried to home birth. This is based off of no clinical information, and strictly my decision to homebirth. Then they told me my lack of obstetrical prenatal care caused a nuchal cord that compromised birthing my “very large” 8 lb 6oz baby, after they cut the cord before his body emerged and he needed resuscitation.
They told me that with my bicornuate uterus I had an almost 100% higher risk of hemhorrhage, preterm labor, and a small birthweight baby that would need NICU care, along with a necessary repeat cesarean and possible retained placenta requiring manual removal. He was 8.5lbs, born at home at 39.1 weeks, and I hardly bled at all after birth.
When I was pregnant with my twins, i was flown by helicopter to Abbott in the twin cities. (Due to a doctor freaking out that I was at 2cm at 28 weeks) and when I got there and I told the doctor I did not want an epidural or pain meds he laughed at me and #theytoldme I wouldnt get into heaven faster by having my babies natural
#theytoldme I was genetically predisposed to have a cord prolapse in labor because my mother did while being induced with me. Then said the best way to prevent it was being induced.
They told me that because I was measuring 4 weeks under by fundal height (at 32 weeks) that I needed an emergency ultrasound to check if baby “was even growing”. when I refused/opted out of further prenatal care she sent a letter to the local hospitals citing my pre pregnancy marijuana use (discussed in my first appointment at 5 weeks) and how I intended to birth a suspected small baby unattended without care.
baby girl came the week of her guess date 6lbs 6oz 20inches long.
#theytoldme that being induced with Pitocin was no different than going into labor naturally. That worries of it being longer, stronger, and harder on women’s bodies were all false statements.
#theytoldme
That if I had delayed chord clamping that all the blood would leave the baby and go back into the placenta. The dr then asked if i wanted to kill my babyfe :/
#theytoldme – I struggled nursing my first born, fell into poor advice and eventually stopped completely. They told me *Id never make enough milk to feed a baby.* I went on with far better support to breastfeed my next two children without an ounce of formula.
#theytoldme – “at a certain point I am going to make a decision with or without your consent in the best interest of your baby” – I believed them.
With
They told me sex would hurt and I would need surgery 6 months postpartum to fix a second degree hymen tear because I freebirthed and didn’t get an episiotomy.
Sex was better than ever. No regrets.
I can only imagine what they would have told me had I given them the chance, but my wonderful traditional midwife warned me. She recognized that I was struggling to open up and let baby come. She told me that yes, an epidural might help relax me, but that it was at least as likely to stall things further and if that happened they would tell me a c-section was the only way. She told me she believed I didn’t need any of that and empowered me to go on to deliver a healthy baby without her even there with me! (Daddy caught the baby and my sister was on hand to keep us fed and hydrated. The midwife checked in on us later.)
#theytoldme is an important conversation to have. I’m thankful for this thread. What if we took it a step further and shared the beautiful #shetoldme stories of wise women empowering us and #hetoldme stories of our sweethearts’ support? How powerful could that be?
they told me: due to my BMI, I should be categorized as “high risk”, but since my “weight is distributed more evenly,” they would let it pass…
they told me: I couldn’t squat during the pushing stage because it was an “inconvenient angle”, then proceeded to perform an unconsented episiotomy because his head wasn’t descending as quickly as they would’ve liked it to…
They told me I could book my induction at the end of 38 weeks. They were confused when I didn’t want to do that. My male obgyn said the contractions from pitocin felt exactly the same as natural labor contractions (because clearly he knew) and laughed when I told him I didn’t want an epidural. He said lots of moms say that and by 4cm they are begging for one, you will be too. I continued being pressured to induce and when I asked why they were pushing so hard (at 39 weeks) he said “Well, there’s really no benefit to baby staying in any longer”….. (I’m sure he was just hoping to perform a cesarean)…He told me he would only let me go ask far as 40 weeks plus 1 day before inducing. I’m not sure why he gave me those parameters. I knew in my heart I could say no to the induction, but I decided to go thru with it anyways. When he tried to break my water (without a real heads up, more of an I’m gonna check you and then all the sudden I have not 1 hand but 1 hand and several fingers from his other hand with a crochet hook thing in there and I cried and squirmed away in pain, he told me, “and you think you can do this without an epidural!?” I cringed and dreaded his return for the rest of my labor.
When I was pushing and baby was coming out and going back in, he was using his fingers down there and I was pleading with him to stop. “Stop! Let me do it by myself, please, I can do it myself…please STOP! Let me do it”…. He told me he was helping… He didn’t stop. I didn’t want his help. I don’t want “their” help, I don’t “the systems” help…
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Now when I tell people I birth at home, and get responses like “oh I would be too scared to do that”, I TELL THEM: “I’m too scared to go back”…..
That I would bleed out and kill my baby if I didn’t get an ultrasound to confirm placenta location
#theytoldme that I looked too big for my dates and were worried about the baby coming “late” and “getting too big.” (I am petite, 5’4”, 105 lbs pre-pregnancy weight.)
I was 42w 3d by my original calculations and gave birth joyfully at home to a 7 lb 6 oz babe. Oddly, my second was 8 lb 5 oz and no one made comments on my size during that pregnancy.
#theytoldme Doctor who performed my unscheduled c-section due to HELLP told me at a follow-up appt that he “supported” VBACs but would not LET me go past 40 weeks in another pregnancy and that I would need another c-section because I would not go into labor since I did not the first time. I had an HBAC with an incredibly supportive midwife, no inducement at 40 weeks + 5 days, 3 years later.