Like all of my babies, Belgium’s birth story really begins before her birth. About 10 months ago, I began noticing a very strong female energy around me. It was there when I journeyed or meditated in particular, and I literally could feel her swirling about. With a babe of 6 months on my breast, it seemed unbelievable that I was being asked to let this one in too! For several weeks, I just acknowledged this energy and tried to reason what else it could mean–after all, not every energy is a baby waiting to be born! But after a bit, I realized that my intuition was right on. This intense, powerful female presence surrounded me and really asked if I was ready to let her in. My heart and being recognized her, and I replied that I welcomed her and was ready for her to come in. It was at that time that I knew her name–it is what was told to me.

With that, I must have been pregnant within days. At once, I felt an amazing sense of peace and well-being about the pregnancy and baby. It was my first pregnancy in true and total trust, even though I have been pregnant four other times. With this one, I felt no need for even a pregnancy test. I trusted completely in this soul, and my body and the Universe-for really it is all Divine. The pregnancy progressed wonderfully and beautifully and I never doubted the process. Without “clinical”confirmation of my pregnancy, I allowed my body to just take charge. The first physical confirmation (besides my belly growing!) was feeling Belgium tap/kick as I woke from a dream on December 18, 2009. Because all of my babies have literally been born to the day 5 months after the first kick, I was sure then that Belgium would arrive on or around May 18th.

Whenever I connected with Belgium while I was pregnant, I always got the sense of her being strong and willful, both physically and spiritually. There was also a joyousness which surrounded her, and I planned for her birth in a different way than I had done before. I completely let go of fear. This, of course, is a life lesson but one that I had faced very intently with my previous birth of Rune. After releasing these fears at least several times throughout this pregnancy, I finally felt ready to enter Belgium’s labor and birth with total love. I realized that was just a part of why she was coming to me, but an important part. I also recognized this could be my last, and so I made a promise to labor and birth as lovingly as I could. I could also feel her supporting me, and wanting to come in easily as well.

With an amazing birth of another babe just 4 days prior, I was officially “off call” and ready to give my body the OK to go into labor whenever. I started noticing these flashes of energy around me, surrounding me. Physically, within a day, I started to feel the familiar pressure and heaviness of impending labor. Within the next 2 days, I finished up some lingering prenatal appointments and did as much nesting in the house as is possible with 4 little kids! Mentally, I really felt like would have at least a week of down time. But I could feel my body slowly ignoring that and starting to nudge me in the direction of labor and birth. With the pool just having arrived and picking up a few supplies just the day before, I supposed I was ready!

Tuesday morning, May 18th. Funny enough, I had gone to bed the night previous remarking to Jason that nothing was going on, didn’t seem like she’d really come tomorrow like I had thought! Oh well. Ironically, I woke up on Tuesday just feeling different. I noticed I was feeling some intense low pressure and has mistaken it all through the night as needing to get up and pee. I laid in my bed that morning just feeling it and thinking “this may be the day!”. The contractions didn’t continue as I made my way through feeding the kids breakfast, but I was not surprised to find some pinkish mucous on the toilet paper later in the morning. Hmmmm…….

Still not much going on by lunchtime, but a few contractions sporadically here and there. Jason and I took the kids out for pizza, and even though I was really hungry I couldn’t eat much. I just didn’t feel like it. Jason would look at me knowingly–he’s seen this all before! I knew it was coming but started to feel a little frustrated, like maybe it would begin within the next 2 days. I texted Diane, and just let her know. Jason took the kids to the park and I just felt so tired. I laid down to rest and just tried to relax. Still an occasional contraction, anywhere from every 5 to 20 minutes. The midwife in me getting frustrated that there was no progression! Finally, as I rested there alone I realized what I needed to do. Honor my body. Sounds simple but it can be hard to do. I realized that I had been honoring my body this whole pregnancy, so why would I stop now? It knows what it’s doing, and so does my baby–so why would I want to alter that? I thought of all the midwifey stuff I could do to “get things going”–but I opted out of all of them. My body knows how to birth and does it quite well!

At 5 pm, I was still contracting very sporadically but has a big amount of mucous and then some bright red blood. It was at the moment of seeing the blood that I realized–this was probably not going backwards and Belgium was thinking of coming sooner than later. I called Diane but admitted I didn’t have too much to report in the way of contractions. She said to check back with her in a bit, and when I called her back at 6 pm, things were a bit more established. Contractions about every 4 minutes, but semi-intense and (the midwife in me again) not lasting very long! This particular characteristic would be one that would stick around until almost the very end! In any event, I knew it would take Diane at least 2 hours so I told her I thought she should head up. I figured if we all wound up sitting around tonight looking at each other, that would be the worst that could happened. I also called Sunny to come as we’d need help with the kids once things did really get started. With that, Jason and Egan got to work on clearing out Amelia’s bedroom. and blowing and setting up the pool. During this time, I was trying to make the kids dinner and just clean up. I still didn’t have the sense that birth would be very soon but that it was coming.

Jason put the 2 little ones to bed around 7 pm, and by that time I was pacing around the kitchen island with contractions. Still not lasting very long, and seeming to peak very fast. It was getting difficult and I had to explain to the 2 older kids not to talk AT ALL when they saw me pacing. Not to me, not to each other, not to utter a sound! They both kept asking if this meant that baby was coming, and Egan in particular was very sweet. He was midwifing me as much as a 5 year old boy can, which apparently is pretty good! He kept asking me if he should fill the pool or where I wanted the blue pads. We gave him the job of watching the gate for Sunny or Diane, so he got on that chore and let me be for a bit.

By 7:30 pm, Sunny had arrived and was just helping as needed. I had Jason fill the pool as much as possible and was really looking forward to getting in. I was feeling a bit of pressure but also a lot of thigh pain. That is typical for me in labor but generally is when my cervix is really opening–not really where I thought I was for some reason! I’ve had success checking my own cervix in other labors before but this time I literally could not feel much. Actually, I felt about a centimeter of bulging bag and was pretty discouraged. Oh well, I though. With a fifth baby you could go from 2 cm to birth in no time! So, feeling like I maybe had a while to go yet, I got into the pool. Labored alone there for about 3 contractions, and had the same thought as last labor–I need to move my body and not sit here! It was working fairly well to labor leaning onto the pool from the outside, moving and swinging my hips. I did that for another 3 or 4 contractions and something had to change. I asked Jason to come in an be with me; something I really wanted this time as last time he was preoccupied with the kids (Rune’s had been a morning birth). I just wanted to hang on him and feel him there with me, I wanted to him to rub my back and help me through it! It was getting tough–the contractions were coming like every 2 minutes (although I still felt like there were on the short side!). Jason was a great help to me and I was just overcome with love for this man that I have had 4 other children with! I felt the birth energy rooting me to the earth and the fact that we shared that was really special. I just hung onto his neck and hugged him, kissed him, felt everything open up inside. At that point, it wasn’t so much pain as an amazing energetic force. My legs were shaking and felt like they could not hold me up any longer. There was one contraction that just came and blew me away. I realized that I was starting to push a bit and was blown away by that. Is it time for that already?
The next contraction lasted for a long time. One of those where it is probably two but there is no break! I started to feel just overpowered, the intensity was incredible. Diane still wasn’t there, but Sunny came in and (according to her!) I said the same thing I said to her at the last birth! Which was the typical–can I do this? What’s happening? Of course I knew the rational answer but I needed her to look at me and reassure me! From nothing, things were moving so fast. Without any real monitoring of baby, I connected with her again and knew all was well. She was strong and wonderful and very intent on coming earthside soon.

With the next contraction, I let go of Jason and knelt down on the floor next to the futon bed. At that moment, Diane arrived and my body began to push. It felt so good to bear down; I don’t know how some birthing people advocate “no pushing”! It is a wonderful relief and release, and I really felt confident this time in directing that energy down. I pushed with a bit more focus than I ever had before, and that is probably why I only pushed a few times. I heard Diane come in, and I turned to her, expressing my disbelief that I was pushing already! She told me to just go with my body and so I did. I reached up to feel her head but felt that bulging bag again! I remarked to everyone in the room that I wished my water would break; then took it upon myself to pinch the sac with my fingers. Yay! The membranes released and clear fluid spilled under me. Now I felt her head!

With the next push or so, I guided her head down and out, talking to her all the way. I tried to slow it down a bit, but since that wasn’t working, I tried to support my own tissues with one hand and guided her head out with the other. I had done that in my previous (water)birth, but this was a lot more intense on land. I felt the burning much more intensely, and as her head crowned, it felt like it kept coming! I remarked (I admit in a crude way) how enormous this head was, and begged Belgium to let my body stretch to fit it! I kept my hands there and just let it keep coming. This is my ultimate testimonial to recommending guiding your own baby’s head out! There is such an intimate connection between body and mind and I couldn’t even put into words what I was doing. It was just whatever I needed to do to control the crowning and speed of the birth.

Finally. her head was completely out and turned to Jason, who had not left my side. “Her head’s out–do you see it??” It was pretty dark, but he nodded yes. At that point, I moved from hand and knees to turn and face Diane,who was behind me. I really wanted to catch my own babe,and I knew I needed to be in a different position. I didn’t have another contraction right away so I had time to turn around and supported my self on one knee. I just held her precious head and waited for the shoulders to come. I felt that next contraction coming, and left my hands there so I could support her shoulders in coming out easily. I felt my body open up even more to stretch for those shoulders, and then the familiar and glorious feeling of her body sliding out. I grabbed her gently and brought her up to my body. Kissing and hugging and talking to her–seeing for the first time, in the this realm, her immensely chubby face and head of dark hair. Covered in vernix, she was just about the most perfect and beautiful thing ever. The kids had come in for the birth (actually Egan had videotaped the whole thing, Amelia came in as Belgium “plopped out”- her words:) and we just looked at her. She got pink really fast and cried a bit. Precious, precious little angel girl.

I could not have ordered up a more perfect labor and birth for me–and for our family. It was a very healing experience but at the same time, a very normal, just another day of wonderfulness and love following the Divine. As I do in all my birth stories, I thank not only God, and the Mother Goddess and the Universe in general–but the wonderful souls that have chosen Jason and I take care of them this lifetime. I know that Belgium is no exception to the amazing ones that have come our way already. Thank you, thank you little Belgium Temple Rose. May you live out your soul’s path in this lifetime; gracing all with the love, power and focusedness that you have already. Blessed be.